Inauguration

From fantasy to reality
It was so easy to be a part of my dysfunctional family
Thinking myself on equal terms but never seeing the sleight of hand

Ambushed by dying parents

Hot potato and the Hippocratic Oath

In life there are births from one stage to the other
I’m new to the feel without father without mother

Do I want my folks alive so I have someone to scream at or because I genuinely miss them. The lids of my eyes are so heavy.

I wasn’t ready to give up the fight.

So much I have no say in as nature determines the course

Anxiety churns through me foaming at the edges, an ocean clinging to the shore

The roar of wind and surf pervade my hearing and nothing else exists.

I’m hopping icebergs as night falls
melting into new skin that doesn’t seem to fit
a facade that feels just too big.

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20 thoughts on “Inauguration

  1. I’m hopping icebergs as night falls
    melting into new skin that doesn’t seem to fit
    a facade that feels just too big.

    This – it says a lot. You will fit again eventually – just let yourself ride the emotional rollercoaster as you need. It is the only way to find your way back to a sense of normal.

    Glad you are back – thinking of you

  2. You are very brave to write from within your current state of confusion.

    I recall my own feelings after my mother died.

    Eventually things will enable you to go forward from this different place with a greater degree of certainty.
    In the meantime be good to yourself – you deserve that.

    You will be in my thoughts

    David

  3. Cathy,

    I really feel for you right now. You’re doing the best thing you can right now – taking the pain and turning it into something beautiful. You know a little about what my relationship with my parents was like. I might have had it easier by not having to really feel anything when those two strangers died. It’s impossible to mourn such hostile people. My mother died when I was 16 and my father when I was 28.

    Take care! We’ll all keep checking back in with you!

    • Ed,

      Thank you so much. That’s so kind of you. My parents weren’t hostile but rather wrapped up in their own personal problems. I did manage to eek out a relationship with my dad. Although, he had a tendency to drive me mad. I was quite resolved with our relationship. I love him very much and I know he loved me too. I’m sorry for your circumstance though but you seem to be in a good place now.

      You take care too.

      Cathy

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