At What Price?

Silence.

This poem is for my father. The only person in the world that when he speaks
I crave someone would just sledgehammer in my brain in an audacious attempt at quietude
from the man that rambles tangentially about my shortcomings until I leave him.

Can you hear me?
Did you hear what I said?
Are you even aware that I am speaking?

Is the hum between your ears too much noise to hear
that I am telling you just how I feel

or do you simply not care

There are times when you speak that I would sell
my soul to the actual devil
in the hopes that he could stop you from speaking.

What need do I have for a soul?
When I can’t even feel it
because the pressure from your speech
renders me invariably worthless.

In the end, I’m begging, for the love of God and in the name of all that is holy,
please just this once –

SHUT

UP!

and in your silence let me feel golden.

I love my dad. I just wish he could control the urge to tell me about how wrong I do things all the time. I’m resolved there will be no resolutions with him. All I want is for him to shut up sometimes. Is that so wrong?

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “At What Price?

  1. hmm. have you told him that?
    that you’d like him to not have an opinion or interfere…

    i think it has something to do with being a male.
    we can’t help but give you advice.
    maybe we care too much…. i don’t know :-/

    • Countless times. Whenever I tell him, he gets defensive and then HIS get feelings hurt and then he criticizes me for that. It’s impossible. I know that he loves me. I just want him to shut up.

      • as they say, we don’t get to choose our family
        if we can stand them we should be thankful… πŸ˜€

  2. *Wry Smile*

    I never had a daughter but can only imagine that father/daughter relationships must have particular difficulties.

    My younger son had, I think, similar difficulties to your self. Then he explained that instead of saying “You did that wrong” to him I needed to say “In my opinion you got that wrong” Subtle difference perhaps but for him it made a big difference and for our relationship it made a big difference.

    David

  3. Unga Bunga:

    Part of growing up is coming to grips with the reality that our parents are human, and as fallen creatures, they are simply – imperfect. They are no different than any other adults in this world.

    Put your faith in God, and then learn to take your Dad’s “advice” for what it is. Learn from the good things he has told you, throw away the bad, and move on.

    Yeah it hurts, cause as we were growing up, we put our faith and our lives in the hands of our earthly parents, and it hurts when we grow up and realize that they are imperfect, and that they aren’t “all that and a bag of chips”.

    But accepting them with all their faults, and learning to forgive them, is part of moving on and growing as a person.

    There is one father that will never let us down, and that is who we can put all of our faith in. God will never let us down.

    God Bless…

    http://ginzotalk.wordpress.com

  4. Pingback: At What Price? | Kids say :

  5. I think in each of us there is a little part that can relate to others’ situations even if they are not exactly the same. My relationship with Dad was difficult (sometimes more than that) at times. In the end I just gave up. Not gave up gave up – but I let it go. I think that was when I learnt what forgiveness was, Though when he died anger took over again for a while – or was it hurt. I guess.what I want to say is this. He may never change – that’s on him. You can change the way you let his words wound you. I don’t know how old he is – but letting go, forgiving, was good for me because when he died – I had that to hang on to. I had done all I could to have a relationship with him even if it wasn’t perfect. Taking that forward – I learnt NOT to do that with my kids. But – you’re NOT WRONG in wishing he’d shut up. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much for commenting. I really enjoyed your perspective. It gives me some perspective. My father is quite elderly and our relationship has always been like this. Sometimes I let his words in and they infect me and I feel like in this poem. Usually, I’m pretty good at tuning him out. Thanks again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s