Wow, that word again used so frequently
yet understood so ineffectually
because it is not to be believed just after you cum
but rather when you’ve endured some unbearable torture and
still can feel it through to your core for someone else,
maybe even for the one that tortured you.
That is the bone in it, the marrow of it.
What you give,
rather than what you have received.
There is a long line to get it but an emptish field where it can be found.
This action is wrought with difficulty,
but the payoff – sublime -
to love where wronged,
to wish for the welfare of those that harm you.
Incredible as it seems,
it is attainable and once that goal is reached,
understanding is genuine and love is real.
For V, inspired by JC
What infectious paths arise when trying to deflect pain?
Justification enough to give up on life…
To become the lurker in a yard of rusted cranes
Whether mom is unimpressed by your existence or your father wishes you a boy
When does it get better? How long does lifelessness go on?
Haunting eyes that know their doing wrong
How many hours spent on numbing?
Grazing on vapidity
Liquid failures that move one nowhere ‘cept despair
Sisters in a trailer park make a promise to commit suicide.
A Texas woman strangles her autistic kids and does not even try to hide
A man killing his son and ex-lover then placing himself in front of a train.
Life becomes short and distorted when trying to evade the pain.
It’s better to face the knife and get cut deep into the bone.
Futile, avoiding an eventuality, since anguish demands to be known.
Will of rock
Veneer of cream
Sidling through a torrent current
Contemplation of course
Through to the other side
Which will yield to the other -
Willing myself through or consumed by the wall
Dead ends begin with angles
Always a hook to lead you in
Deeper into the void
I miss something I’ve never had
The pain is not that bad
just numby and constrained
Everyone is in need
yet what they seek is not
that which will heal
I wish I had that love and belief that
resides where my anxiety hides
Breeding fires and eroding gaps
I want that kindred feel
In the confining boredom of a shelter
from a terrifying storm
I read something grand
an extraordinary find has found me
it leaves me wanting more
inspired by AudioSlave’s “Show Me How To Live“
A desert remains where I feel lost…
unbound by time,
fragranced with wine.
So many times, diffident when faced with a cause
not a follower nor a leader, but effaced from it all.
I believe because I don’t understand the way others choose to live.
Recoiling and replaying these useless episodes onto a sieve.
But when the heat rises from within, when something ticks me off,
damn you all, for you will know what my nature is all about.
Gnawing through to the other side without any questions asked.
No doubt of my purpose lingers when I’m compelled…
to act … to pounce.
A pool of memories swimming in my head
Some are just not able to survive as a
raging whirlpool forms
Like Morrison’s affection for cinema
and poetry and song
Not meant to last but lived at least
Sprawling expanse to a farm field
The endless gestures from the oceans
So much plays out in front of me and ends up in my mind
And the play is configured from my perception,
added with my insights and swinging from synaptic vines
Episodic, epic and shorties but always the fantastic and the meager colliding into my very own.
sometimes made of metal and other times no more than a passing fancy
whether deciding to be the destroyer of myths or the conjurer of rumors
no one force of nature may predict one’s inclinations
They are like a body of water
tranquil at times and raging at others
I’m inclined to recline when it comes to proclaiming my inclinations
Sometimes I’m in the water facing the surface yet never catching breath
never gaining air smothered by the cooling mass
a desire beyond all that I can bear to have my face escape this watery grave
but I can’t since I’m held back
though swaying with every easy and pretty word that comes my way but what holds me fast
against those pretty persuasions
maybe that mountain of memory, usually the weakest of all muscles,
that I’ve enforced by will to create a tower
that hampers even the most potent attraction
I will always be true even when swimming in the raging surf.
I’ve no reason to survive if I forfeit that.